The Socks Have A Plan
Socks are really space aliens. They landed on this planet thousands of years ago, with the sole purpose of taking over earth. Hold your horses! Before you call the men in the white coats, hear me out.
Point #1 Gas Warfare. You know that people's feet smell because of socks. Oh people say it's the shoes, but it's the socks for sure. I'm sure many a time someone's foot oder just about took you out forever.
Point #2 Germ Warfare. Socks provide a breeding ground for all kinds of germs. A nice warm, moist area is perfect for Athlete's foot and other diseases. Oh, they tell you it's from showers, but that's just propaganda released by the socks.
Point #3 Economic Warfare. How many times have you washed socks to only have one disappear? That's the socks attacking or financial stability. Do you realize the thousands of dollars that are spent on sock replacement? The money spent on medical costs from the stress we go through looking for the missing sock. Not to mention the disappointment of not finding it. All this money could be invested in a defense system that would repel the socks when they attack.
Point #4 Spies. Where do you think these missing socks go? Don't think too hard. I have the answer. They sneak out and do reconnaissance. They are mapping our waterways, electrical grid, our whole infrastructure. We will be defenseless when they attack.
Point #5 Violence. How many of us have had a toe poke through a hole in our sock? How does the hole get there? The sock is protected by the shoe. It's a form of sock attack. You leave that toe in that hole long enough and the circulation will stop. Doctor's will be amputating you blackened toe."One toe at a time" is the sock battle cry. Take our ten toes and we can't run. Easy prey for the sock invasion.
You can see that my arguments have merit. Now we must organize and defeat (oh bad pun) the evil socks. Until that time comes build your bomb shelters. Stock up on food and water. Above all............start going barefoot.